Past // Present

Hey blogspot,

It's been awhile.  I have completely been neglecting you, allowing tumblr to become my blog of choice for the past two-ish years.  Sorry about that.  I've missed writing though.  Really writing.  Getting my thoughts out in print, on screen, and published, jumbled though they may be.

The past year and a half in particular has been a whirlwind of emotions, ups and downs, and growth.  Firstly, I finally graduated university with a Bachelors of Arts in Art History and Criticism (yay!).  With graduation came all sorts of feelings, financial constraints, and celebrating.  I took it all in and then panicked.  What in the world was I to do in terms of my future now?  What kind of job did I see myself having?  How was I going to make ends meet?

As I continued to slightly lose it I realized that there was no way that I would be able to keep living in my wonderful studio apartment, having quit my steady part-time job a month earlier because I was miserable.  I just didn't have the funds anymore.  I could no longer pay for my space so there seemed to be only one solution as I began to work my way forward:  it was time to move back home.  My parents and family were supportive of my decision, but, to me it still feels like I have regressed.  Moved back instead of forward.

And then jobs!  There seemed to be none everywhere I turned.  I sent out application after application all to no avail.  It was all too much to take in.  After months of frustration, I began to lose hope that I would ever find anything good.  Or even anything bad.  Why wouldn't anyone give me a chance?  I knew that I had something to offer to the workforce, that I could be an asset to any team, and that if only I could prove myself everyone would realize how great I knew I was.
Struggling with all of my feelings and feeling rejected has been my reality now since graduation.  After all this time I am finally employed, but it's still not exactly what I had been holding out for, or what I really wanted.  What I still hope to have someday.  Oh don't get me wrong.  I am so so so so so grateful to finally have a job that I kind of enjoy going to; one that pays all of my bills, even if it is only part-time still.  I have great bosses and I enjoy being around all of my co-workers.  I am closer to that ideal museum setting I've always pictured myself working in.  And I know that this is a stepping off point.  It's just hard to keep focused on all of these positives sometimes.  I get caught up far too often in my current situation and compare it to the ideal situation.  The place I thought I would be at in my life right now.  I had always hoped that things would be more put together and more figured out by the time I turned 25.  And in the next month I'll be 26 and no closer to having it all figured out.  I know that that is all part of growing up, being an 'adult', and all that, but it doesn't make me feel any better when I'm feeling down.        

I've definitely grown though.  And I'm still learning every day.  My family still loves me.  I have friends that really care about me.  I have income and a place to live.  I'm never hungry.  My life could be worse.  My life is pretty great most days.  I try and focus on all of this whenever I have bad days.  And most times it's enough.  I know that things can only get better and that someday soon I'll have things figured out.  Maybe.  And even if I never really have the dream for myself that I always pictured, that's ok, too.  It will be better.  I will get my life where I want it soon.  And in the meantime?  I will continue to think as many happy thoughts as I can.  Because I CAN do this.  This life is pretty great.

Thanks for listening.  You've always been such a great listener.

Talk to you soon.

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

My Life Lately

(taken this summer, via  my Instagram)

Since making the decision to move out on my own a little more than 7 months ago I have learned a lot.  A lot about life.  A lot about work.  A lot about myself.  I've learned how important it is to surround yourself with people you love and whom love you in return.  I've learned that toilet paper is a necessity and that I have to overstock on it...or else I might run out without realizing it.  I've learned that it's always a good idea to be nice to people when you first meet them...you never know when you'll meet them again, and how they might impact your life (and vice verse).  I've learned to take time for myself.  I've learned that just because you quit 2 jobs and lose another... doesn't mean that you're a failure.  It just means that you're still searching for what you want.  I've learned how important it is to save enough for bills... but that it's still okay to allow myself to go out occasionally.  I've learned to ask for what I want.

I guess mostly, I've learned to not be so afraid of life.  I may still be single, yes, but I can do things on my own.  I am a strong, successful, and beautiful woman and there is nothing wrong with being myself.  I can do whatever I set my mind to and you know what?  I'll be okay.  My life might not be perfect but I'm okay with that.  I'll be okay.  Things are going the way they're supposed to.

This New Year is going to be a good one.  I can feel it.  Full of exciting new challenges, changes, happiness, laughter, and love.

I hope that whomever is reading this blog (if anyone still is) is doing well.  I wish you a happy year ahead, too. :)

Bring it on 2013!  Let's do this!  

Today:

I am officially signing the papers for my 1st apartment today!  I am slightly scared but ultimately very excited.  This is going to be SUCH an adventure.  May this only be the start of good, new things to happen in my life.  My fingers are crossed!

Happy Sunday! 

xoxo

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like

...Christmas! Of course. ;)

This past week I went out with two of my friends. Our original plan was to spend time at the local museum's Christmas party but once we got there we realized that it was actually a party geared towards kids and families (i.e. NOT young, single ladies). ;) We made an appearance and then decided to go get Mexican food and then go downtown to see the Christmas lights.

It was so much fun. I love my friends!

I hope you all are having a good December so far. I just have to get through this next week and then I'm home free. Die Finals. Die.

Peace Out,

xoxo

I Did It:

{via}

It's been almost a year since I got hurt. A year since I could barely walk or support my weight and had been told I might never be able to run again...

I proved them all wrong though. My body has healed. I can stand. I can walk. I can run again. And I will never take my body for granted. Ever. Again.


Life is good. ♥

Slow Down

I woke up on Monday morning in a little bit of a mood. I had overslept and as a result, was reduced to rushing to do everything before scrambling out to leave. My friend had accidentally backed into my door on Saturday night/Sunday morning (the exact time is beyond us) and my shifting gears were not cooperating (entirely unrelated to the accident) but basically, my car was un-driveable. I had no choice. I had to drive one of my Dad's cars if I had a hope of getting to class on time. Really. I mean one thing after another.

Long story short, I got no more than a mile from the house and I got pulled over. Lovely. I was slightly in the wrong but at that point, my brain was so fuzzy and I was so tired/upset/drained from my long weekend that I couldn't really focus on anything. I...really shouldn't have been trying to drive. I rolled down my window to hand the officer all my paperwork and he asked me, "Are you okay, miss?" As I sat there staring at the steering wheel, my knuckles white from clutching my license so tightly, I was wondering, "am I okay?"

No. The answer was no. I was not okay. And I proceeded to show him just how NOT okay I was. I haven't cried that hard in a long time. It was like I had sprung a leak and everything just came pouring out of me. I couldn't stop. I was distraught. I was tired, my morning wasn't starting very well, it had been a long weekend, my car was in sad shape, and I was getting pulled over for the first time since getting my license. I'm normally such a safe driver, I swear. I think I threw the officer off because he took pity on me and only gave me a warning, but that was it. That was the final straw. I sat in the semi-empty parking lot, long after he had driven away, bawling my eyes out and trying to gather the energy to drive back home. There was no way in hell I was going to school still.

I finally managed to get home and I crashed. After crying some more and venting to my mom, I came to a realization: I need to slow down. I need to have some time to myself. I've been going, going, going for the past 8 months in an attempt, I guess, to forget about my pain. I guess I figured that if I was out around people more, spending time with my friends, making friends, going to more shows, and trying new things, it would force me to forget my loneliness. And truthfully, it helped for a while. I would come home so tired and happy that I didn't have time to brood and feel sorry for myself or my relationship status. But lately...I've been feeling kind of down again. Like my life has been stuck in go all the time but I'm not really going anywhere? Regardless, I've been making myself sick. Oh sure, I've had a lot of fun. I faced countless fears and I was around some pretty fantastic friends. But I wasn't taking care of myself. Not really. So from now on, I'm going to try and take it easy on myself. To slow down and make time to sleep and write and have a day to myself once a week. It's not too hard. I can find a balance. I know I can.

And...no post would be complete without a song. So. Here ya go:

Happy Wednesday!

xoxo

Wave as you drive by, the world is such a beautiful place.

{my sisters and I at the Jonsi concert}

Oh my gosh! I've been soooo busy it's not even funny. Between work, school, and trying to maintain a social life, I really haven't had that much free time in which to do anything extra...like blogging. So yeah, I've been a little MIA. But...it happens to the best of us? ;)

Although I have been enormously busy, I've also managed to do some really fun stuff this past couple of months.

Some of my favorite things I've done include:

1. getting to to go see Jonsi. Live. In concert. In Austin. With my two sisters. In two words, that show was life- changing. Seriously one of the best shows I've ever been to. :)
2. spending lots of time with my friends just being ourselves. I'm extremely lucky to have them all in my life and I've been sure to tell them all when we've gone out.
3. being inducted into Phi Theta Kappa (and attending the ceremony accompanying it). It was beautiful.
4. seeing Cirque du Soleil live this past weekend. Afterwards, I got to spend time with my mom and sisters, eat French food, do some shopping, and just enjoy. It was wonderful.
5. reading some new books. Even though I really didn't have time to do it. ;)
6. walking in the Memory Walk for Alzheimer's. I joined my school's team and wore my shirt with pride as I walked for my grandfather.
7. getting caught up on Modern Family with my sister Jessica. She makes it even funnier.
8. seeing my sister Callie occasionally at school. She makes me smile.
9. spending time just talking to my momma and dad. I can still learn so much from them.
10. watching early morning cartoons with my little brother. He's so darn funny sometimes and doing this with him brings back memories of when I was a kid.
11. talking with my best friend on the phone again! Because...she's back in the states again and it's easier now. Yay!
12. taking a road trip up North with my family to watch the leaves change.
13. going on another archaeological dig with the club I'm part of at school.
14. listening to some really great music.
15. eating some really great food.
16. continuing my Starbucks obsession.
17. running outside when the wind is blowing the leaves everywhere.
18. and getting lots of puppy and kitten kisses...from all of our pets. :)

I'm still trying to wade through school and the application process (bureaucracy at its finest, I swear) but there is a light in sight. Ha! I just rhymed. ;) Jeeezzzz. I need to go finish doing my laundry...blahh.

I hope you all had a fantastic weekend! I certainly did. :) I've missed you all and am going to try and catch up on all the blogs I've been missing quite soon. The next two weeks are going to be crazy though so no promises. :/ See you all soon!

Happy Sunday!

xoxo

Baloney

Much Love Monday

I happen to absolutely love my JOB. I get to spend the whole day outside, playing with little boys. Those boys are all like my own little adopted family...and I love my coworkers.

{via}

I mean...I get to have conversations like this all day:

John- "Ms. Kaitlyn, I can speak German."

Me- "Oh really, John? That's awesome. Say something to me."

John- "askicultulirlhnot."

Me- "Um...John, that's not German."

John- "Uhhhhh..."

Me- "I've lived in Germany."

John (with the most mischievous little smile on his face)- "Oh I know. I was testing you."

Me- "Oh, so I passed?"

John- "Yes..."

"And that was penguin, by the way. Before. Just so you know."

;) and he was completely serious.

Happy Monday!

Be sure to check out all the other much love posts. :)

xoxo

Baloney

up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun...

ugh...no time really.

Currently, my life has been a little like this:

• working all week
• babysitting (when I get off work)
• crashing at home
• eating when I remember
• and trying to stay up with school.

I'm a busy little bee over here.

Hopefully I'll be able to resume blogging some time in the near future. :)

In the meantime, please enjoy this beautiful song:

xoxo

Baloney

C'mon get happy

I'm happy today because:

• Fall is in the air. Soon I can start wearing layers again...yay! :)
• Today I got to spend some much needed time with my sisters. I feel like I hardly see them anymore so this was a nice change.
• It's raining outside. And I don't have to be anywhere, so I can lounge around in my pajamas and drink tea. *happiness*
• My car's sun roof is no longer leaking. Commence with the happy dance... ;)
• I'm caught up on my homework.
• I got to eat lunch with my mama three times this week. I love when that happens.
• My new TOMS came in the mail yesterday.
• Things are going well at work still and /as/a/result/ I have money in the bank.
• I have been spending lots of time snuggling with my kitties and puppies.
• AND I discovered this song:
  

Things are looking up!

Happy Saturday!

xoxo

BaloneyFace